F.A.C.K.

A: We are very popular and very very cool. We will be restocking again SOON(ish). If you put your email in the box on their product page you will get a notification as soon as that item is available. Act fast, before we sell out again. 

A: If your kid is a baby, get them Baby Vipes. If your kid is a toddler, get them The XS. If your kid is 5+ get them The Original Narrow. Don't f*ck this up or Karen will be pissed.  

A: Logistics suck! Trying to coordinate stock across the continents while my mum’s telling me to vacuum my room has proven more difficult than anticipated. Don’t stress, I gave some Gobbys to the wharfies and we’re all sorted. Fresh shit is arriving in the coming weeks.

We aim to respond to enquiries within 24 hours but Karen is a keen golfer and her weekend practice is very important to her. If you got in by 4:20pm on Friday there’s a 69% chance we’ll get back to you on Monday.

A: Give us 3-5 business days to process your refund after your return has been delivered!

A: Email us with your original order number, exact model, and full shipping address. We will send you a new one free of charge.

A. Here is a Printable Wide Guide for sizing up your melon!

A: Do fake boobs float? Sadly, no. Neither do our glasses. They are Float RESISTANT™. If you lose them in the water that is your own damn fault. All that can help you now is creating a dramatic reenactment for a discount.

A: If your order number starts with “PV”, see next question. If your order confirmation did come from a @pitviper.au account and we screwed up, please send us a picture of the items you did receive and your order number. We will SHAME ourselves and make it right.

A: We are NOT having a sale that good. Scammers are out there, and can make their website look a lot like ours. We have noticed a recent influx of scam websites and are doing everything in our power to shut them down. We do not sell on eBay, wish, or Amazon. Make sure that the URL at the top of your screen is always www.pitviper.au. If your order confirmation email came from an address other than frank@ info@ or sales@pitviper.au you have been scammed.** Contact your bank account for appropriate steps, and start a payment dispute with your bank/paypal. It is easier than it sounds and can help you get your money back. We also have an in depth guide on spotting & avoiding counterfeits.

**We have a FEW authorized sellers online, which you can review HERE. They will never pretend to be us or copy our website, unless their design team really drops the ball. 

A: By "press questions" we assume you mean you work for a newspaper, or journal, or tribune, or gazette, or something along those lines. If you're a hard hitting reporter, with big lamestream media questions for us, take them to pr@pitviper.au

A: No. We do not do price adjustments on sale items.

A: Way to be on top of things. That is supposing you aren't already too late. See our handy excel spreadsheet shipping matrix here.

A: We are unable to change addresses once you place an order. Get it right the first time. Your best bet is to keep an eye on tracking, contact the local post office when it gets close, and request to pick it up in person. If that doesn’t work, email us with your order number and an explanation for how you managed to screw up so bad.

A: Every order ships from The Pit Viper Center For Australian Domination in Melbourne, Victoria. Our shipping days are Monday through Friday. For customers that place orders before 12pm (noon) AEST, we will do our best to get your package out the same day. Orders placed after 12pm AEST will ship out on the following business day. If you place an order Friday afternoon it will ship out on Monday (even if you selected Overnight Shipping. We are not Amazon, our shipping crew has to go home at some point).

*On Fridays, the shipping team works shirtless. Enter warehouse with caution or excitement.

A: For customers that place orders before 12pm (noon) AEST, we will do our best to get your package out the same day. Orders placed after 12pm AEST will ship out on the following business day, read up on the rest HERE.

A: Many times orders are marked delivered when they have really just made it to your hot mailman’s truck. Give it a few business days, make sure you check all around the house and with some of your neighbors, and if they have not arrived 3 business days later contact your local post office.

If your package is protected by Route follow the links above to file a missing package claim.

If you opted out of Route's package protection, then you're up missing-package-creek without a paddle, sorry bud. Better luck next time.

A: Open UPS tracking from the link in your shipping confirmation email, click "view details" on the UPS tracking page, copy the "alternate tracking number," and paste it on this website.