The Convenient Christmas Shipping Matrix of 2021

Where Do You Live?

Date You Are Placing Your Order

You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
Oh boy. Here we go. Priority Upgrade
CUTTING IT REALLY FUCKING CLOSE ROOKIE. Priority Upgrade
USE UPS
USE UPS
USE UPS
Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
Skin of your teeth. Priority Upgrade
You are putting your fate in the hands of the US Postal System. Priority Upgrade
USE UPS
USE UPS
NOW YOU HAVE TO OVERNIGHT IT
READ MY LIPS - O-VER-NIGHT
Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
You're Good Standard Shipping
Skin of your teeth. Priority Upgrade
Waiting until the 11th hour, huh? You should be okay but don't come crying to us if it doesn't show up. Priority Upgrade
USE UPS
USE UPS
USE UPS
Overnight that shiiiiit
Overnight might work but what do we know we are just a joke company.
Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser
You're Good Standard Shipping
USE UPS OR FEDEX
USE UPS OR FEDEX
USE UPS OR FEDEX
USE UPS OR FEDEX
USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers, eh.
UPS CLAIMS SAVER WILL STILL GET THERE...
...IT'S HONESTLY HARD FOR US TO TRUST THAT...
...BUT WE GUESS UPS KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING?
Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
100% Fucked You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser
USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE
USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE
USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE
USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE
LAST DAY TO USE UPS OR FEDEX, MATE
Whoops, you did it again. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You Totally Blew It You Loser
You bogan. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Can't tell you how fucked you are. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Fucked six ways to next Sunday. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser
USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers.
USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers.
USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers.
USE UPS OR FEDEX and cross your fingers.
Blew it. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You totally blew it. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Can't tell you how fucked you are. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You let your friends and family down. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Is it that difficult to order a present ahead of time? You Totally Blew It You Loser
Christmas is ruined because of you. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Christmas has just been hijacked by capitalism anyway. You Totally Blew It You Loser
You can still get Pit Vipers in time for Christmas! In 2022. You Totally Blew It You Loser
Merry Fucking Christmas You Totally Blew It You Loser